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Ok then August 31, 2008

Posted by Sharny in : Scraps, Till Extracts, Work , add a comment

Right, so, I’ve decided that I’m just gonna post my little work based nuggets here since I really can’t be doing with creating a separate attempt at an anonymous blog about it. As such, I don’t intend to say anything mean about people, merely just report on the cool/odd happenings of the day. I’ve been thinking about them since I started really but not yet wrote them down, so I’ll start with a few that I can remember

There is, of course, a ton that I’ve forgotten but hopefully if I document them each day that I’m there then some fun things will pop up.

*It should be noted that you shouldn’t take offence to this, it would be indeed wise to just do as I do and laugh at silly racism. You may, of course, say “oh but you don’t know what it’s like to have people hating just because of something you can’t change” when in fact, my obviously German surname and first name have caused me to be on the receiving end of plenty of hate. The obvious difference, of course, is that when someone calls you a Nazi, or Hitler, they are actually referring to a group or single person responsible for the deaths of millions of people, whereas when someone kills you a nigger it means almost nothing except for the meaning you (or society) give it. In that sense, I have little pity if you do choose to take offence.

The Bridge August 25, 2008

Posted by Sharny in : Entertainment, Society , add a comment

I just finished watching The Bridge. I had heard about it a while ago and been intruiged by the the premise and it didn’t dissapoint.

As a film that centres around the filming of actual suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge, it’s going to be something that is controversial.  It’s definitely possible to view it as something morbid but at the same time, can be something very sensitive.

I personally found it very moving and extremely powerful.  I’m not really gonna say a lot about it because there isn’t a whole lot to say, it had a strong effect on me though, that’s for sure. Having seen this the experience of visiting the bridge whilst I am in San Francisco later this year is going to be even more special.

I suppose what really struck me by it is the variance between the stories of the people who took their own lives.  Some had mental problems from quite early on and where in and out of depression, whereas others had seemed happy to those around them for the majority of their lives. This is, I suppose, the scariest part, as it puts forward the idea that essentially anyone can be driven to suicide, that it is not as distant as many of us would like to think.

Phase 7.0.1

Posted by Sharny in : Life, Ramble, Work , add a comment

I just took the time to do something that I have been needing to do for a little while, that being organise my life properly into phases. Said organisation puts me now at the very beginning of Phase 7, which I am very creatively naming Gap Year Quest. So, I consider where I am now to be 7.0.1, simply because I think there will be quite a lot to this year and I’m barely into it. I’m not even sure it counts until the school year starts again, which is just around the corner.

It feels very strange that all my friends will be going off to sixth form and here I am doing something completely different, preparing for adventure no less. In some ways, it’s nice to be a bit of a pioneer, doing something a bit special. Of course, there are the ways that will potentially make me an outsider again and there is nothing I want less than to drift away from what Phase 6 was all about. I can’t really dwell on that though, only hope that it doesn’t happen, as there is very little I can do.

This part of this phase is very much defined by the mundane, I’ve completed my first week of work, things are feeling more comfortable now but with 25 hours a week things are different and ultimately quite boring. I have no weekend to speak of so social events are difficult to manage. It’s not gonna be much fun. I’m fine with that.

The bit I like less is that I feel a little like I’m living a lie. Obviously, my friends know of my plans, that in a few months I’ll be off. But that’s not what my employers think, nor is it what I’m gonna be telling my colleagues. Of course, nothing stops them from finding this post. I haven’t really explicitly talked about my plans on here I don’t think but it’s not too hard to find really (although, google searches I just conducted don’t really lead here, so I can probably speak reasonably freely). That element makes me feel uncomfortable, although I suppose there is a small allure of not quite being fully free with the truth in that I could reinvent myself, I’m really no actor. I’m not sure I really know how to be anything other than me, although I can push forward different facets of myself as I please. I don’t know really, I’d rather be able to talk about the my ski instructing prospects freely, it’s such an exciting thing.

Actually though, my biggest worry right now is how I’m going to quit. It seems quite scary in itself, I know I need to give a week’s notice but how exactly I quit I’m not sure. Some sort of letter I guess. The other question is when. Nothing lines up with my pay schedule really, and if I’m going to continue working up until the week before I go then there are 2 days I need off in order to be there to play at Monday Mayhem (something that needs to be spoken about in more detail here really). In some ways, it would definitely be nice to have that last week to prepare, there’s also one of my favourite bands playing the Saturday before, so it would make sense to hand in my notice the Thursday a week before then I suppose. I’m hoping that however it goes, I leave on terms good enough at least for a reference but possibly for future employment, as there isn’t really any reason why I couldn’t work there whilst at university for some extra money. I don’t know, I guess planning is good.

This post is a bit of a ramble really, which makes sense given the times. My conclusion is basically that things are quite different now and this phase is rather defined by the mundane but luckily, improvements are just around the corner. If they weren’t, I’m not entirely sure how I could cope…even though it’s not really that bad.

Able to buy corkscrews August 19, 2008

Posted by Sharny in : Life, Music, Thoughts, Work , add a comment

Among a few other things of course…

Wow, finally 18, I almost thought it would never happen. One thing that I had forgotten about which I quite liked was this:

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Wednesday, September 20, 2006, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hi. I figured this would be an appropriate time  to send another of these, once every 2 years seems good. Once I get these my future will be sealed, hopefully good A-levels and off to university. Wow, this will go past so much work and so many decisions, kinda funny to think. Once this arrives the future shall literally be unfolding out before me and I hope that 6th form has been a very enjoyable time. Well, not gonna make it an essay, at this point I’m 1 month from quitting RS except for the fun aspects.
Oh yeah, happy 18th birthday too :)

Essentially I was right, my A levels got me into Uni and my future is pretty sealed and even better than I could have imagined back then, I didn’t expect what I got.  Having enjoyed receiving it so much I immediately went and wrote one for this time next year which I think will be saved till then, I can’t imagine things will be as better than I thought then, if they were I would probably explode with happiness.

Also, I don’t know why but I’m really connected with Dredg today, I bought their album A Catch Without Arms on the strength of…um…0 songs, I think I just listened to the preview and bought it, a risky move really but it turned out good.  Something about the style of it just works with my mood today, I’m personally categorizing it (along with a couple other bands I’m checking out recently) as “Indie Prog”, which probably isn’t very accurate given that I don’t know enough about Indie to really comment, although I like to think I know it when I hear it.  With Dredg I hear indie but also kinda atmospheric proggy stuff, which makes it sound cool.

Given this post is mostly ramble anyway, I’m also getting on ok at my first jarb.  Things were pretty darn scary at first but they’ve settled down a bit now and I’m getting comfortable.  I still seem to think they’re gonna turn around and realise they didn’t want to hire me at all, I dunno really why I find it so difficult to think that a company would actually employ me but there we go…

I must away, raving calls…

Judged August 14, 2008

Posted by Sharny in : Life, School , add a comment

It was a pretty surreal experience really, going in, getting the envelope, opening it to find an ominous note to see my tutor, which I knew for sure meant I hadn’t hit my grades for everything. The first thing I read was my AQA statement, which gave me a B in both Chemistry and Psychology, the former of which was a B by no less than one UMS point. Then I found the OCR one, which stated the now obvious result of a C. This was entirely predictable, I hadn’t really felt that a B in Physics was likely at all, I was however hoping for an A in psychology to make up for it but unfortunately that didn’t happen.

So from there I consulted my tutor who told me that he had been unable to get an answer out of Nottingham (their offer was BBB) as I needed to check my UCAS track before they would even talk to me. With this information in hand I was just eager to get out of there and find out. If I were a different person or the results had meant clearly that I had been accepted I would have liked to have found out how well quite a few people did, not to mention thank some of my teachers but the need to confirm my future and the fear involved with talking to people led me home as quickly as I could get there.

I quickly found a UCAS letter stating my application number thingymawhatsit and logged in to track, which was surprisingly responsive given that so many people accross the country would have been logging into it around that time. There, on the first page, was the message.

” Congratulations! Your place at The University of Nottingham (N84) to study Chemistry with a Research Year in Industry (F104) has been confirmed. ”

Sweet relief.

The hour of judgement August 13, 2008

Posted by Sharny in : Life, School , add a comment

In less than 12 hours I’m going to have my A level results in my hands. Nothing so big in my life has rested on one thing in the way this is. Although there are plenty of other people accross the country in an almost identical position to me I still am very alone with this, none of my friends have quite the same pressure on them. Sure, GCSEs have importance but they are much more flexible, if you don’t get quite what is asked of you often you will be allowed in anyway, perhaps with more terms.

Having known this feeling of dread ever since my last exam, never has it been greater than now.

There is a huuuge ramble potential for this post but I’m going to have to restrain myself. Ultimately, nothing I can do can change my results (at the moment, I could get a re-mark) and it’s not like there is anything I need to know about what will happen if I do/don’t get my grades.

I’m just gonna try and get some sleep and hope beyond hope that this will go my way…