Thoughts on hope and the future March 23, 2007
Posted by Sharny in : Uncategorized , trackbackSo much seems to have happened yet I don’t seem to be able to remember any of it. I had my last session of the 6 week course at the university on Wednesday. It was pretty crap really, as it started I felt quite comfortable and happy but it collapsed into a pretty boring and otherwise uninteresting evening. Really its about the social side, I like to talk and be around people but I’m very bad at initiating and of it being the shy person I am. The big problem throughout the course was that all the other people there knew other people on the course as they went to the same schools but I didn’t so there wasn’t even the possibility of moulding my group with another because I simply didn’t have a group. After the first session I was feeling very positive because the ideas of these pre established groups didn’t really surface and I didn’t really realise the problem it was going to be. The first session was actually really good and lots of fun but it all started going down hill after that really, some sessions better than others but nothing anywhere near as good as the first one. That first session I felt so alive, really being around other nice people who I didn’t know but felt I could get along well with but any openings there were for me to join on to groups were quickly demolished by my shyness.
In the end I learned nothing I didn’t know before I guess, without that first session I guess there wouldn’t have been much hope for anything different. But there was. I was given that preview. “This is what your life could be”. The teasing little dash of possibility that there is a hope and better future for me. These things come along once in a while, when they come they bring me great joy, for those moments in time nothing could really be better, there is my heaven and paradise. The moment is gone too soon, only to be left with the thoughts of this as a real life, left in my memory, for me to meander over for days, weeks, months maybe. Its a pretty destructive process. All I can really hope for is that university will be what I need, allowing me to establish a mixed group of friends and finally find what I want. Without this hope…well I just don’t know where I would really be.
No tags for this post.
Comments»
no comments yet - be the first?